Sidenote #1: I don’t care if Habs is a hockey team, it’s the informal name of my ex-school, and I feel that I can publicise that since I no longer go there.

Sidenote #2: Yes, that Talulah Riley, who was in Pride and Prejudice, St Trinians, Doctor Who, and apparently Inception which I did not know and must see. Her last year at Habs was my first.

See, of course everyone at school knows of her as an actress, but six years after she left, her reputation amongst the students still lives on as “Talulah Riley… she had a bit of a thing going on with the head of sixth form, didn’t she?” – because of course gossip thrives at an all girls’ school. And of course, though I give no credit to any such ridiculous gossip, I do still partake in the whispering and giggling and silent judgement of it ALL.

Since she left there have been no such memorable girls who have had such long-living reputations, so you can imagine how surprised I was to find out that I myself have been slapped with the same label, and girls have been whispering and giggling and judging me behind my back. I have already become infamous as “the girl who had a thing going on with that music teacher”.

Disclaimer: I have never had any serious kind of thing going on with anybody, let alone a teacher. I do, however, have a friend thing going on with all of my music teachers.

I was rather bluntly informed of this by a few younger girls. My friends have always chastised me for teasing and insulting teachers, and sometimes being too touchy-feely with them (or rather anyone for that matter), but usually it didn’t matter because nobody teased me back – except for two of them. One was the aforementioned former head of sixth form, and the other the aforementioned music teacher. After being told to “tone down the flirting” by someone in the year below, finding a whole group of girls giggling over a photo with both of us in, and hearing “BC, BC!” being yelled in my/our direction multiple times, I began to think something was up. It wasn’t until the last day though when I was discussing this with a friend a couple of years below me and she said “you do realise everyone thinks you’re going out with him, don’t you?” – which she quickly amended to “well, that you have a “thing” going on with him at least” after seeing my shocked and somewhat disturbed expression – that I realised people actually meant it.

Honestly, I was kind of weirded out by this. Like, in a major way. Leaving aside the whole “thing” thing, which I’m confident anybody who actually knows me well knows not to be true, the weirdest part is that I have a reputation. People know who I am. People associate me with something. In a very small way, I am famous.

Actually, for about 12 hours I was freaked out by the fact that I had a bad reputation, until I realised that actually I didn’t care because it wasn’t true anyway – and also that I had a reputation for essentially being myself, and I wasn’t going to (or couldn’t) change that. And then after that… I kind of am enjoying it. Of course, the rumours will be annoying though I won’t have to bear the brunt of them, and the giggling, whispering and staring isn’t the nicest part of it, but other than that, I love it. Because think about this: I was the kid who used to be bullied. I’ve been run away from, been whispered at and watched from cliques of girls sitting together, been picked last for sports teams, had to go awkwardly around the room and ask if I could be someone else’s partner because I didn’t have a best, or even a close friend to pair up with. And now to feel known makes me feel special.

But then I wondered if having a bad reputation, which I suppose mine is a little bit, was really better than having no reputation at all. Personally, I don’t feel pressured to act in any certain way, but I am more aware that people are watching me now. Maybe this is no bad thing because perhaps I should feel self-concious when I am acting “inappropriately” – but I don’t think I ever will. I know that my personality has changed over the past couple of years, and I am far more intense, chatty, extroverted, even flirty than I used to be, and most of the time I like that about myself, so therefore I kind of like the fact that my reputation has been brought about by this. But then I also know that I have alienated a lot of people through this, and as Vicky put it: “you’re like Marmite – people either love you or hate you.” Maybe it would just be easier if I were to be a nice, quiet, sober girl. Maybe I would get along with more people, and I wouldn’t have such explosive relationships as I tend to have now. Maybe it would be better if I were just normal, without a reputation again.

But then again… where would the fun of that be?

• I finished my A levels
• I finished school
• I watched the Extended Editions of LOTR back-to-back with my friends
• I’m going to Austria in four hours

YES my lovelies I have done/will be doing all those things, and have been so busy with all the excitement all of those things bring, I have completely ignored you. Frankly, I’m not sorry, but there you go.

So about a week and a half ago I had my very last exam (it’s always Physics, why I did the subject I don’t know). Overall, the majority of my exams went well, with only three being really terrible. Unfortunately, the way the marks go those were my three most important ones, but hopefully I will have managed to scrape the grades required for Durham, or my second choice RHUL. If not, then I’ll take a gap year and reapply, which I’m not too bummed about since a couple of my friends will also be doing the same, and I’ve thought up all these amazing cool things I can do.

As for leaving school, officially I have done this, though I’ve been going in afterwards for rehearsals and such so it hasn’t felt like such a big deal yet, and I’ve had time to adjust. We all celebrated with a dance/prom like thing in which the teachers all drank far more than the rest of us put together (boys’ and girls’ schools) and made fools of themselves. It got really awkward and most of us left early – though it was still an experience, and was fun at times. I got hit on by a stranger for the first time, and blew him off rather smoothly if I say so myself, which I admit, made me feel quite flash afterwards.

And though I’ve been to numerous parties and things afterwards, I have to say the highlight of the week was my LOTR marathon with my friends, which seems to draw the reply of “you have friends?!” from anybody else I tell. Still, we revelled in our geekery for what should have been eleven non-stop hours, but what ended up being more like fourteen. Oh yes I’m so cool.

Finally, in four short hours I will be starting on a 24-hour coach journey to Salzburg for my last ever Music Tour with school (you may remember I’ve been to Tuscany and Spain previously) – hence the rehearsals. I’m feeling a little sad about this since this really the end of my school time, and of course the only thing I’m sorry about leaving is the music department who have been my muses for the past four or five years. Still, I’m also quite excited about the whole thing since from past experience I know they are the most fun holidays ever – even if Austria is nowhere near a beach, or not quite as hot as either Spain or Italy. But for all my moaning about holidaying with my family in Switzerland, the mountains are beautiful, and I’ll be sure to take a load of photos for you. Something else quite exciting is that I’ll be performing another violin solo there, which has blown my mind a little bit, to be doing something like that in the home of Mozart. All this has eased the pain of the long coach journey, although I count myself as a bit of a veteran of these and live and sleep quite happily on them now – plus I see 24 hours through Germany as quite pitiful compared to previous 25 and 26 hour journeys in the blazing Mediterranean heat.

So people, I will be back in a week and a bit… I’m not sure if I’ll have internet access in Austria and in any case it will probably be at an extortionate rate. I’ll also be conserving my iPod for those long journeys so you probably won’t hear from me. But I promise that I’ll be back with a video of us singing the do-re-mi thing on the steps in the Mirabel Gardens, a la Sound of Music. I know you’ll be so excited for that.

• Am crazily revising. Sort of. I’ve been really good this year and have written out a revision timetable, and actually have been working over the holidays for like the first time in my life. Beginning to slip this week though, and am starting to see the attraction of watching Zac Efron-based movies instead of figuring out how to integrate cosec(x). Gotta keep my eyes on the goal.
• Speaking of goals, mine is Durham Uni. Went up there on the post-offer Open Day to stay in my college and I had a really, fucking amazing time (and considering I tend not to swear on this blog, that says something). Everyone was really friendly, I’m convinced I picked the most awesome college, and I finally found a Music course which seems made for me (aurally based rather than performance based). Came back home and accepted it as my firm offer, with Royal Holloway as my insurance, though I’m practically in love with Durham I wouldn’t be as happy anywhere else.
• Which brings me back to exams – I’ve had my first, 40% of my Music which was the performance. I think it went OK, I freaked out a bit at the beginning so don’t remember much of that but after I calmed down I played really well. The questions the examiner asked about my performance were a bit odd, but I at least got in everything I wanted to say. Overall I think it went better than last year, so hopefully I’ve got that A in the bag, just for another two more to secure my A in music which I need for both Unis. Unfortunately I don’t get any leeway at all this year when it comes to marks and grades – Durham was very clear that due to the government’s cutbacks, and the fact that they’ll be fined £1000 for every student they go “over budget” with they won’t be taking anybody who just missed their grades, even by the tiniest of leeways such as one mark (when I probably would have before). ONE MARK under an A and I won’t be going to Uni. I hate this government.
• Speaking of which, I’m voting this year. Got a call earlier for the Lib Dems asking who I was going to vote for. I told them to sod off.
• Back to my life, in between the revising I’ve been watching quite a bit of telly. So happy for Guttenplan winning UC last week, gutted that Amit went out in the semis. Oh, and my friend is actually arranging coffee with him – he’s a friend of a friend. In her words, “Jews know every other Jew in the area.” I’m understandably jealous, but have considered bringing my Jewish roots into this.
• Also been watching Doctor Who. Am in love with Matt Smith, and would be with Steven Moffat if he wasn’t quite so old. Don’t even know who that other guy was who used to play the Doctor (I’ve been watching so much NCIS recently I think of Ziva when I see the name David anywhere).
• Finally, I’m taking this weekend off and going away with my oldest friend Rachael. Church group leaders have organised that the final year students go away for the weekend (I have no idea where) but since there are only three girls it’ll be me, her and some other girl I haven’t seen for a while, plus two leaders. The guys are going off somewhere (camping I think, which is why we’re not going together) and we’re just going to relax and catch up since work and exams mean we don’t spend much time together now, and since we’ll all be going off to Uni in different places come October. I’m really glad I get the chance to do this since I’m not bothered about leaving anything or anyone in general any more, but I haven’t really been thinking about leaving my friends at Church since they seem almost like family, and I know I’ll probably miss them more than anyone. I guess I feel I haven’t spent as much time with them as I want to. Meh. ANYWAY then on Sunday we’ll meet up with the boys and go off to church somewhere and then come home. CAN’T WAIT.
• I just ordered my mother the New Moon DVD for her birthday. Hey, I needed an excuse.

I know there’s a kind of movement within the classical music genre and “those weird people who listen to it” to actually encourage non-listeners to overcome their fears and take the plunge into full-on classical music listening. ZOMG BIG SCARY ORCHESTRAS AND WAILING LADIES. And while I’m sure most of my readers are very intelligent beings and know that there is actually nothing to be afraid of when confronted by instruments such as french horns, or long pretentious words like fortissimo, you must nevertheless admit that a large proportion of you people do not listen to classical music regularly. And I am sure an even greater proportion of your offline friends and acquaintances won’t even go near the stuff.

The thing is, amongst no-way-I-don’t-listen-to-that-weird-classical-shit people there is a kind of feeling that classical music players and listeners are part of an elite pretentious crowd who “understand” the music and don’t think anyone else can understand, because it’s “clever” and “more intellectual” than other kinds of more popular music. Or, at the very least, there’s a feeling that it’s just odd, and “different” and “not for them”.

In response amongst the classical listeners there’s a mostly prevalent feeling that this is NOT true, and there’s a move to try and interest non-listeners in classical music, because it’s NOT elitist, and it’s for everyone, and we should try and push away the prejudices.

But I, as a life-long lover of Classical… and then Baroque, Romantic, Minimalist, Neo-Classical and Expressionist music, as a violinist and a classical singer, and as a would-be Music student and then graduate, beg to differ. I AM an elitist.

BUT WAIT. See, I love classical music so much I think everyone should listen to it. Of course, there will be the people in the world who just don’t like that kind of music, just like I don’t like hip hop. I think. And then there will be the horrible people in the world I am forever prejudiced against and will never, ever understand, like my ex-boyfriend, who don’t like music FULL STOP. But everyone else should at least try it out, just like I think people should listen to other genres they’ve never tried.

“YAY!” you say, “Ann isn’t an elitist! That’s just a nice opinion!” OH NO. The reason I want everyone to listen to classical music is because I think it is better than all other types of music. And I think it is better because it is more intricate, more deep, more versatile, more evocative, and more far-reaching than any other type of music. Obviously, the “better than everything else” IS just an opinion, but you get my point on the elitist thing.

I think I am perfectly justified in saying all this stuff, because unlike the majority of you people, I have studied these kinds of music in depth, plan on doing so for the foreseeable future, AND have got to the point where I analyse everything I hear in detail, add a timestamp to it, make an educated guess to the composer and even figure out why this song has got to number 1. I have JUST read that over and realised how patronising that sounds and OOH I THINK I JUST LOST A FEW SUBSCRIBERS.

And yes, I’ve even got to the point where I refuse to listen to classical music on the radio because they pronounce names wrong, and call pieces of music “relaxing” and “invigorating” when they are so obviously only doing it for the pretentious factor because HOW is a calm violin sonata “invigorating”? Yes, you may award me double elitist points for that.

But now you see – there are two types of classical elitists. There are the actual pretentious ones who, believe me, sometimes even scare ME away from music because they honestly believe that they are better, posher, and more intellectual because of the type of music they listen to. Most of the time they don’t care two straws for the music they listen to, and rather than appreciating it for the awesomeness that it is, actually degrade the stuff.

And then there are the nice ones like me. I firmly believe that the music is better and “deeper” than any other, but I don’t claim to be any better than you just because I spend a lot of time listening to it, appreciating it and studying it. And believe me, I’m down with the “spread the WORRRD. Classical music is AWEEESOMEEEE” people out there. I want everyone to appreciate it for the wonderful music it is. But let’s face it – there are classical elitists, and there always will be. And I’m proud to be one, and I hope you will be one too.

(Be prepared for a crash course in all these different, awesome, clever types of classical music, coming to a blog near you)

In other news, I have proved to my sister beyond all doubt that I will fail in reproducing, and should that happen, my offspring will be weak and feeble (unlike the master race she evidently believes she will produce). Her reason for this belief is as follows.

We’re having an extension built onto our school, which also happens to be right at the end of the sixth form corridor, aka where I spend most of my time. Having knocked down the wall, we spend a lot of the time freezing, but that is made up for by the eye candy we are given in the forms of the builders. Of course, going to an all girls’ school means that we are completely obsessed with any male who does not work for the school… well, let’s say most males who don’t work for the school, and therefore we spend all our free time oogling over which builder is our favourite.

(Not really.)

Sadly, due to the cold temperatures they have yet to take any of their clothes off, much to my friends’ disappointment. In fact, most of what you might call the “typical builder types” have gone since all the brickwork is finished, and the window fitting, plasterer people have come in. So, we were considering this, and I was thinking that I had yet to see anyone who impressed me with their gorgeous looks, when I saw THE CUTEST guy walking down the corridor. He didn’t look like a builder at all, in fact I only knew he was one because of his fluorescent jacket. Well, that and the large pane of glass he was wielding, too.

He looked nerdy. He was wearing thick glasses, he was as short as me, and he reminded me of Leonard from TBBT. HOW could you not love someone like that? He was just frigging adorable.

This, essentially, is what Lizzy insists sets me apart from her, and most other girls in the school. I lack what she calls the cavewoman instinct for huge, muscled, dirty, hair-covered men to protect me, and produce strong, muscled children. But you know? That’s fine with me. I’d rather read nerdy books with my boyfriend than watch him go hunting or something. I love my little, nerdy, weakling children already.

So, do you lack the cavewoman/man instinct?

Sidenote: I’d completely forgotten I’d mentioned “stop being rude to teachers” last year. That is HILARIOUS, I’m sure everything I said that year pales in comparison to the kind of banter I’ve been having with a teacher(s) this year (as well as the numerous arguments I’ve been having with all my friends about how I have no boundaries when it comes to staff). LOL – remind me to tell you about that (it’s linked to the crying thing).

SO. Having given much thought to this, and also having sat through numerous sessions with teachers where they attempt to teach you how to write and then achieve targets, I think I have the answer. See, in t’ oolden dees (that was supposed to be a Somerset accent) of school, whenever we got a school report (every other term) we had to make up three targets we wanted to achieve, based upon things written in our report. I think there was a catchy little mnemonic which the school made up which was something like “TOAST” but I never cared enough to remember it and spent the time whining and grumbling my way through the session because I thought it was completely pointless because I didn’t actually want to do any of the things like “work harder” or “write longer essays” or “spend a proper amount of time on homework” so it didn’t matter whether I was writing them down or not, I still wasn’t going to do them!

Note: according to my school, those are not proper targets. They have to be achievable, measurable (OMG I REMEMBER, IT WAS “SMART”) and… lots of other things. So a proper target would be “read over my Chemistry notes for 10 minutes prior to starting all Chemistry homework” or something like that. Although I bet that wouldn’t be right in some way.

ANYWAY, I suppose some fragments of usefulness have rubbed off during those sessions of coercing the teacher to make the targets up for me and then making her believe I’d thought of them myself, since this year, my resolutions will be MEASURABLE. And ACHIEVABLE. And… well, whatever the rest of the words were. In other words, I need to tell myself how exactly I am going to go about fulfilling my resolutions, because OKAY, I ACCEPT “get all As this year” isn’t a very good resolution/target.

Personal

• Exercise more. This means every week. Being in the final year of school has its advantages, and not being forced to sit through hours of tedious and strenuous PE lessons by butch women are one of them. However, I’ve got to that point where I actually feel like I need to go jogging or something, which is fairly shocking for me, because I HATE EXERCISE. Therefore, for the rest of this year I am intending to drag Becca along to the gym for at least and hour every week. This will probably be done every Wednesday during our 2 hour morning free. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, BECCA. I’ll figure something out for when I leave school.
• Lose weight. Hopefully this will be linked to the above, since I love my food way too much to think about dieting, even when it’s linked to SUPER IMPORTANT resolutions which I WILL complete. I don’t want to go crazy or anything so I’ve worked out where I’d like to get to based on my height and other important things. I should probably also mention that despite having eaten a repulsive amount over the festive period and wanting to get the perfect beach body, this is mainly driven by health-related concerns. Unfortunately, should this succeed then my mother will be able to rope me into doing all these things I don’t actually want to do anyway without feeling guilty… but I’m hoping that the whole beach body thing will make up for it
• Actually pass my driving test. I really, really REALLY want to be able to drive before I go to Uni otherwise… well, I’ll just never get it done, and I’ll be one of those dreadful women who walk everywhere or have to get their family to drive them places (not really).  However, this will require me re-learning since I’ve pretty much forgotten the very little my old instructor actually taught me. Hopefully I can do that in the ~2 months I’ll have free this summer.
• Be nice to people. This is a bit of a crap one because it’s not really quantifiable in any way, but there are some situations where insults just fall out of my mouth and it has to stop! Thankfully they’re only situations where the people in question know I like them really… but other people don’t know and I don’t want them thinking I’m a horrible person! Ahh, I’m so shallow.
• Don’t spend the summer bumming about in front of the laptop. This will be one of my longest, work-free summers until I retire (maybe) so I really need to get my ass into gear and do something about it, otherwise I will inevitably spend the whole time talking to all the other bums who don’t have enough of a social life to spend the summer off the internet. To do this, I need to compile a list of at least 20 books I’ve not read yet (I read fast) and then actually read them over the summer, AND organise various trips out and such with my friends (all to be coordinated around my driving lessons in order that I will pass AND allowing some time for me to socialise online AND comment on new people’s blogs). Life gets complicated.
• Finish novel. Like I’ve said before, I refuse to start on any of my other awesome ideas until I’ve finished this one(s). If I can manage 25,000 words over about 6 months, then I can get to however-many-words-it-will-take-to-finish-this-darn-thing in the next year, right? Of course right.

Academic

• Do my best in my exams. Ultimately getting all As, or AAB which is what I need for Uni, is not within my control since I’m not the marker/moderator, and I know all too well about coursework being moderated down. All I can try to do is my best, and then if I don’t make it, I know it’s not right for me (inspirational words (c) music teacher). However, doing my best means working and revising properly, and as much as I can without overworking myself.
• Actually read that darn book. I can’t remember the name of it, but I tracked down the only copy I could find on the internet upon the recommendation of one of my music teachers, and because I thought it sounded interesting. It’s an academic book, but not something I need to read for my course – however I WANT to read it… I’m just slightly put off by the nerdiness of the fact that I’m reading around my subject when I don’t actually have any more interviews. I know, I’m lame.

Online

• Comment on a blog I’ve not commented on before once a week. For the eloquently put reasons Adam gave. I also want to look into doing a similar sort of thing to Aisling, who’s had a brilliant idea about sharing places where she’s commented via Twitter. In any case, I can certainly stalk where she’s been in order to find new blogs.

So there you go, the obligatory 2010 resolutions post! (Sorry Rose, I had to ) Nine resolutions which are almost exactly the same as everyone else’s, but which I am determined to keep. DETERMINED, I SAY.

Well, making an improvement on last year’s one would also be progress.

This year I’m going to try and make the list a bit more representative of bands and songs I have discovered during the month, so that when 2011 rolls around I can listen back at the list and be all “awww, meeeemmoorrriiiieeesss…” – as you do when listening to songs you’ve not heard in a while.

HOWEVER, I still sort of like the idea of songs that represent what I did during those months too, so I’ll try (and probably fail) to combine that into one big super song. And maybe I’ll explain it for you.

January: Dancing Queen – Meryl Streep (Mamma Mia! Soundtrack)

[See post to listen to audio]

I actually tried to work hard and complete my resolutions, and I also thought that I still liked Chemistry. Oh, and I stopped being emo.

February: High Hopes – Nightwish (End of an Era cover)

[See post to listen to audio]

I worked, I discovered my favourite guitar solo EVARRR and actually completed one resolution. Go me!

March: Someone Like Me – Royksopp

[See post to listen to audio]

Life started sucking a bit, but I had an amazing day out with friends.

April: Passing Afternoon – Iron & Wine

[See post to listen to audio]

I cut my hair, got MORE work over the summer (oh joy) and… finished series 4 of House *weeps*. So of course, this had to be the song.

May: Don’t Feel So Low – Rubylux

[See post to listen to audio]

Gahh, exams. However, this still cracks me up.

June: Here In Your Arms – Hellogoodbye

[See post to listen to audio]

Exams finished, but I think this was the time where I actually started to have zero time left, all due to Uni. See? Now I’ve finished applying I’ve actually got back to blogging. Stupid UCAS. Still, it was finally summer.

July: I’m Yours – Jason Mraz

[See post to listen to audio]

Went to Switzerland, went to Colwyn Bay… typical (great) summer. This was THE summer song.

August: You Can’t Stop The Beat – Hairspray Soundtrack

[See post to listen to audio]

Oh great, work. Still, during the long, boring hours of work, I managed to get a real start on my novel (and it still feels odd calling it that).

September: Prom Song – Eleventyseven

[See post to listen to audio]

Back at school. I was busy, so all my posts were boring. Also, school still sucked. This song was one of the only ones which was nostalgic enough to sometimes manage to convince me it wasn’t so bad.

October: Sugar Rush – Cash Cash

[See post to listen to audio]

I was 18!!!!1!!!11 ZOMG. ALSO there was *the concert* (and my boobs). And Allie’s Song.

NaNovember: Defying Gravity – Wicked

[See post to listen to audio]

Yes, I tried. And failed. But hey, I’ve just read over the 25,000 words I did manage to write during that crazy month, and they weren’t actually that bad. Go me! Also, this is a cute song.

December: Promise Me – Dead by April

[See post to listen to audio]

Well, nothing much happened except for me discovering Dead by April. And I love this song. There was Christmas I suppose… but it’s too soon for a cheesy song.

New Year: You’re The Voice – John Farnham

[See post to listen to audio]

I know, this song was in the last post, but I had to pick something really upbeat, and the Merlin people have really made me love this song recently. Bring it on 80′s power ballads!

Well I do.

So I was checking over last year’s “This year” post, and my gosh how depressing was I? I promise this post will be much happier – which will be helped by the fact that zomg there are ICICLES outside my window! And I’m talking about substantial, 10cm icicles here – and when you think about the fact that I have never seen a real, live icicle in my life, and this will probably be my first white Christmas EVER then you should be able to gather my excitement, despite my age.

Speaking of age, FYI my emo 17-year-old self, being 18 is actually pretty awesome. I CAN DRINK! AND DRIVE! (well, not at the same time, and I can’t actually drive yet… and I could have before… whatever). So I can just drink, which I don’t very often, but it’s just cool to be able to go into a pub and be like “I can drink. Look at me. I’m 18 now. I have my own ID. I’m cool. I can drink legally now. Har har.”

So yeah. One of the other perks of being 18 is that I’m AN PROPER ADULT. And teachers treat me as such, and there are none of those times where I have to go and cry on the shoulder of my favourite teacher because someone else was horrid to me. Oh geez. That’s an embarrassing story for another day.

So what else did I say last year? Crap about milestones? Well yeah, there were milestones this year, like… um… applying to Uni? FYI I HAS OFFERS. Three of ‘em, pretty awesome ones at that… now just for the work and exams, which MY GOODNESS am I freaking out for. But none of that right now, otherwise I’ll get guilty for not revising right now. Which I have been doing, actually, be proud.

Speaking of offers, and Uni and stuff, I suppose that was a milestone, in realising what I actually wanted to do – aka HAVE FUN. Choosing Music as my degree was the most awesome decision I made in my life. *feels proud* Interestingly last year I said I shouldn’t have done all that work – but looking back now I made the right decision about that – it’s just had I known that I’d choose Music then I would have done stuff like English and History rather than Physics and Maths. But then again, choosing Maths was a great choice since I’m loving it. Ho hum.

This summer was… interesting. Not as great as last, but then there wasn’t an epic music tour, and I spent most of the summer working. Still… it helped me get over my fear of phones, and I figured that that kind of job wasn’t for me. Woo.

Oh yeah, school still sucks.

I bit my nails again this year.

I had an embarrassing not-sort-of-maybe-I-don’t-know-what-this-is date. Which, thankfully turned into nothing. Yet. I still haven’t got back to him on the marriage proposal. (So he didn’t ACTUALLY propose, but on my birthday he helpfully reminded me that I could now get married without my parents’ permission CUE AWKWARDNESS)

Speaking of dates, tomorrow will mark two years that I’ve been single OH JOY. Yes, I did dump my very first boyfriend on Christmas Eve, and YES I DUMPED HIM OVER FACEBOOK. Deal with it.

I just checked up on my resolutions for 2008. Well they were just doomed to fail as spectacularly bad as my relationship. I didn’t pass my driving test (didn’t even try, though I have sort of started learning), I didn’t get all As in my exams, I didn’t revise that much and I don’t even know what the email thing was… I did get a student card but rarely used it so I didn’t bother this year.

HOWEVER, this year I will pass my test. I WILL BE ABLE TO DRIVE BEFORE UNI. I PROMISE YOU, WORLD. But this will be another post. Overall, I don’t really care much about my failed resolutions, apart the grades thing – I realise now that I was complacent after my GCSEs, but this year I am totally freaking out about my exams because HELLO University. And I actually love a couple of the ones I have offers from, and really want to go, therefore want to do well which so far looks like I’ll have to get AAB. And right now I’ve got abc in my AS’s GAH. Anyway, I’ll save all that for the new resolutions post.

This year was big in a couple of new ways too. I actually did two singing exams, and am currently awaiting results for the second, the big eight. Along the same vein, I turned into such a performer, having enjoyed myself immensely during my big solo in the concert, and would love to do more crazy showing off stuff like that in the future. I also took part in NaNo, and although that half-failed, leaving the story be for a month has proved to me that I really do still like the plot, and hopefully at some point I’ll write the remaining 25,000+ words. Because, you know, I actually have a couple more ideas I’m really excited about and I’m forgetting them all… ahhh.

Personally… this year has sucked in a couple of places. I’ve grown up, dealt with loss, decided I didn’t care about so many things, argued a lot, got shouted at, cried (in front of teachers… I still can’t let the fact that I did this go *cringe*), got told to change my act by friends, realised I’ve been wrong, fallen in love… yeah. Maybe that’s why I was so ready to be 18. However, it wasn’t all bleak, but I’m sure next year will be better.

Oh, and this year represents the first full “official” decade I’ve lived through. Bye, noughties. You were good to me.

I’ll leave you with a Merlin classic.

[See post to listen to audio]

Like I said, Campi says it’s too early to start being excited, but I have compiled a list to prove her wrong.

“Ann knows it’s nearly Christmas when…”

1. Mince pies and Christmas puddings start being sold in the shops.
2. Everything turns red with white snowflakes on them.
3. The house begins filling with the M&S Christmas catalogues because they print too many and begin throwing them at you as you walk through the doors.
4. The M&S Christmas advert comes on TV (2008 and 2007).
5. Everyone has mince pies with their lunch.
6. Mum bakes the most delicious mince pies that would never pass as mince pies in the shops.
7. We begin learning the latest stupidly hard, chromatic, clashing, new carol for the carol service in choir.
8. We’re told it will sound beautiful in the church.
9. When you step outside in the morning and (if it’s not too cold to breathe through your nose) the air smells of wood smoke and Christmas cake.
10. You begin to argue with Lizzy over who makes the Christmas cake/pudding this year.
11. You also begin to argue over what she is and is not allowed to give you for Christmas. Nothing is resolved upon.
12. People brag that they’ve already bought and started writing Christmas cards.
13. You decide you’re too busy to give any this year, but feel guilty when the first turns up in your pigeonhole.
14. When you start organising Secret Santa with your class, and are given someone you know nothing about, or your best friend you’ve already got a present for.
15. You find the first amazing present for a friend which you spend ages giggling about because it’s relevant to an inside joke (more often than not when you give it to them they don’t get it first time).
16. When you start organising trains to the carol service because otherwise you just know it will go wrong.
17. When you begin deciding what you will have for breakfast that morning.
18. John Rutter.
19. When you have arguments with friends about when it is acceptable (or bad luck) to put decorations up. You put them up early and take them down late to prove a point.
20. When you pass garden centres you try to resist the urge to childishly squeal and run around the winter wonderland they’ve created.

So those are some of my favourite reasons for looking forward to Christmas. What are yours?

1. good for you if you got the Seth Cohen reference

6:45 am: my radio turned on and I woke up; my first thought was “Svendsen” – the composer of the piece I was playing, and what everyone’s used to referring to the music as, since it rolls off the tongue a little easier than “Romance in G Major”. I wasn’t nervous, I didn’t feel sick as I normally do on exam days, the day felt completely normal. Well, except for hearing my mother tuning up my violin downstairs.

7:30 am: I left for school. I had about 1001 bags with me for all my make up, school stuff, regular concert clothes as I’d be playing in Orchestra, my violin and my concert dress. Luckily I got to drive straight into school since I had so much stuff, so I didn’t have so far to walk. I unpacked my dress and hung it up in the common room, before meeting all my friends. They were all more excited for the concert at this point than I was and proceeded to jump on me, smother me with hugs and dance around excitedly chanting “it’s your concert day! AHHHH!” most of the time. Ah, the joys of a girls’ school.

9:15 am: Maths. I was starting to get a little worried at this point, and I thought the nerves which had so far escaped me were making their return. However, I have an intense teacher, so I was kept very busy for the next hour and ten minutes.

10:45 – 1:05 pm: Wednesdays are a fairly easy day for me as I have a lot of free time. I had some work which I forced myself to do for the first hour or so, but by the end of it I merely rushed through because I was so freaked out by this point. I needed to go and practise, I was so terrified. I had to reassure myself that I could do this. So a few friends and I went down to the hall where everything was set up, and I played to the empty seats. And it was brilliant! I didn’t feel nervous at all after I’d finished it, so I spent the rest of the time practising small bits and messing around with the microphones.

Over lunch was mainly dress-show-off time. All but one of my friends were eager to see it as I’d kept it a secret from most people up until the day. The number of times I had to go and unwrap it to show people was incredible, and very exciting. I got a lot of  “oh it’s GORGEOUS, it’s going to be AMAZING!”. Yeah. This was the real reason I agreed to do it.

2:15 pm: I had a Physics test. By this point I hadn’t played the piece through for a couple of hours, and towards the end of the hour-long test I couldn’t concentrate and my hands were shaking again. I think my teacher forgave me for my poor mark, though I’m not sure if I’ve forgiven her for making me take the test.

3:25 pm: I was free to practise to my heart’s content in the hall again, and I felt so much better once I’d played it through again.

4:10 pm: the final rehearsal, and the orchestra and my friends joined me in the hall to run the programme through. We rehearsed the Schubert first, so Becca and Cathy who’d come to watch and video my rehearsal (I didn’t want the actual concert recorded for the pressure) had to wait a while, but eventually we came to it, and I got up and played it through. I was a bit nervous at first, but for the second half I really settled into it and enjoyed myself. Here’s the recording.

5 pm: I sat in the common room listening to the recording on my camera. This was the first time I had listened to myself playing the piece, and it was so different to what I heard when I played it. I realised I actually sounded a lot better than I thought I did, and that really gave my confidence a final boost, and I wasn’t nervous for the rest of the evening. Once I’d done that, since I had nothing else to do before the concert, Vicky and I planned when I’d get ready. It was going to go 6:30 hair and makeup, 7pm dress, 7:30 concert started (even though I was playing in the second half I wanted to get ready beforehand). Once we’d decided on this, Vicky proceeded to do my hair anyway. She’d got loads of nice smelling stuff, but let’s be honest here, dear, you didn’t do a very good job. I re-did it soon after.

6pm: in an attempt to distract ourselves, Vicky and I ran errands to get the last details of the concert organisation in order. Then we all ate pizza we’d ordered in front of The History Boys, pointing out the mention of our school at the beginning and laughing at one of the actors being the exact copy of someone we knew at the boys’ school.

6:30 pm: I started doing my make up. I didn’t do much, but it still took me half an hour, and I loved it. Again, this was why I was doing it – to have everyone in the toilets with me getting excited over getting ready. Like I said, we’re such girls.

7 pm: Lizzy came and found me and was pestering to help me get ready in my dress, but thankfully Becca distracted  her to help with “something” which I already knew to be my flowers. I wanted some peace at this point, so escaped to a set of staff toilets to change into my dress. It took absolutely ages to get into, but it was worth it. I’m such a show off, and I proceeded to dance around showing everybody how gorgeous I looked in it. I loved every single minute of attention I got… well, maybe not the creepy double glances I kept getting from the cleaners.

7:30 pm: The concert started. To the amazement of my friends, I still hadn’t lost my cool, and wasn’t the slightest bit nervous any more. Wait – that’s not altogether true. Every time someone asked if I was nervous I told them it was like different levels of nervousness and excitement in me. Sometimes the nerves would creep up, but by now excitement was well and truly on top every time. I kept peeking through the doors at the audience and grinning – I just wanted to get out there and perform.

8:10 pm: It was the interval. I considered going and downing several glasses of wine, but felt that it probably wasn’t a good idea. Instead I distracted myself by pacing up and down the corridor, to keep calm, and concentrated. That was my biggest fear – that I’d lose concentration. A couple of times I looked in the audience, and I saw my family return, and waved to them.

8:30 pm: One more item to go before me. All my friends were crowding around at the door, ready to listen or go on stage – and they commented once more on my serenity. Finally the moment came, and I was ready. “Bring it on!” I laughed. I didn’t actually hear my teacher announce my name, but when everybody started clapping I walked out in my dress. I couldn’t stop grinning. I think a single thought went through my head, something like why don’t I perform every day? This is AWESOME!

And it really was. I adored every minute of it – and I didn’t lose my concentration at all. It went by so fast I couldn’t believe it when it finished. And I know I wasn’t the best violinist in the world. It was the best I’d played it, but I know the school’s had better soloists before. I don’t care though, because the audience were with me while I played it – it wasn’t so much how well I played, but how I performed it. And I certainly felt it was amazing. Judging by their reaction too, they loved it! I went off, handed my violin to Campi, and came back on again, while they were still applauding! And, of course, Vicky came on with my gorgeous flowers, and we just hugged each other and giggled in front of everyone. It was one of the best moments of my life.

Of course, then I had to come off and get changed super quickly, since I was in the next item. My friends were all there though and helped me out of my dress – which I felt really sad about after, I loved wearing it and won’t get a chance to until Leaver’s Ball next summer. I ran back on just as the orchestra was being re-tuned and continued as if nothing had happened.

Later I got a lot of hugs and “well dones” from friends, teachers and audience members. I took a rose out of my bouquet and gave it to Vicky, after many dropping of hints about it being tradition, and that we were “music buddies” etc. All in all, it was pretty awesome. Even if I did nearly fall asleep in Physics the next day (is that a bad thing?)